Happy New Year

O joy joy joy... don't I look happy.

278.6mph, 448.36km/h, Worlds Fastest Turbo Charged Hayabusa Streetbike. On-board Video

Fast fast fast. click here.

At the Texas Mile, October 2010, Bill Warner of Wild Bros Racing goes 278.6 mph in a standing start mile, on a 650rwhp turbo charged Suzuki Hayabusa Streetbike. On board video taken facing rearward using an AiM Sports SmartyCam with in-video display of GPS speed. (sample rate of the in camera GPS does not allow recording of the top speed that was set in the timing traps)

Cowboy Boots

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.  

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" 

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."  

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.  

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" 

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope.  Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"  

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, 

"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat." 

Thx S

The maid asked for a raise.

The Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?"

Maria: Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "The Master said so."
Madam: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Madam: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?"

Maria: "The Master did."
Madam: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Madam (very upset now): "Did the Master say so as well?"

Maria: "No Madam, the gardener did."

SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE..!














Thx Big Al

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich ..

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they will not bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;  Indulge carefully, what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me:
"Do not worry about old age; it does not last"

At the Camp

We had a great day at the camp, except Rizzly would not go in the deep water.

From the Deck

What great weather for the first of December, we are going to go for a scoot later.

Growing Old jokes

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

**********************************************************

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

 The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece..

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.

**********************************************************

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'

'So, where were you all these years?'

'In prison,' he says.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'

**********************************************************

Two elderly people, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her..

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?'

He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A little old man shuffled into an ice cream parlour  , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! 
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably.. 
And never regret anything that made you smile

The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.

My final wishes:

I want to die nice and peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather did.  Not screaming in terror like the other passengers riding in his car!